A Lifetime of Waiting

I originally wrote this for a phobias contest, though I wasn't sure if it was good enough to submit, but I'm going to try anyway (if it's not too late) ^^

Details about the contest can be found here - [link]

There was actually three phobias I was trying to portray, one rational and two irrational fears.

The rational one is Thanatophobia, which is fear of dying. More specifically, he's afraid for his immortal soul. This the fear he is quite aware of, the other two are just a part of his subconscious.

As for the irrational ones, the first is Necrophobia, fear of the dead. He's afraid of the man he killed as well as his wife, who committed suicide as a result of his actions. To a point where he becomes a victim of Phasmophobia, which is a fear of ghosts. He's afraid their spirits are going to haunt him.

Of course these fears are all a result of his guilt of being a murderer.

Sometimes my poems can be a bit difficult to understand, due to the way I write them, so I'll try my best to explain what's going on.

This is a narrative poem about a man who's reflecting on his wife and her ex-lover, both of whom are dead. The man in the poem is in prison awaiting his sentence, which will probably be either a lifetime behind bars or the death penalty. The title suggests that it's a lifetime sentence, but by the end of the poem, the narrator is hinting that he wants to die, but he's still thinking a bit rationally, therefore not willing to commit suicide.

Okay, now I'll break it down a bit more.

The first stanza is basically an introduction. All it really tells us is that the narrator is sitting alone in thought. And he's telling us a story of his reflective thoughts. It also informs us that the narrator's wife has a "true love" that's dead. Which suggests that his wife loved another man more than him.

The second stanza tells us that he had discovered his wife was cheating on him and murdered the man in his rage, but he forgave his wife. In this stanza, the narrator is trying to defend himself, saying the man he killed knew that he was going to die for his adultery, but he slept with the narrator's wife anyway.

In the third stanza, it's pretty clear that the narrator's wife had committed suicide after discovering her husband had killed her true love. The phrase "drain away her sacred life" suggests that she slit her wrists and I mentioned that she used a carving knife as well. Though the narrator says he's saddened, there meant to be little emotion in the telling of this event, showing that the narrator probably didn't really love his wife, at least not as much as he loves himself, and that his claim isn't sincere.

The fourth stanza, the narrator is starting to shift from a rational to an irrational way of thinking. He's starting to lose his logical way of thinking, confessing his fears towards the thought of dying. He also mentions the "witching hour" (midnight), suggesting he's afraid of ghosts.

With the final stanza, the narrator's fear turns into a bit of anger towards his late wife and her lover's "spirits", of whom he believes are haunting him. Once again, he's trying to make himself sound like the victim rather than the perpetrator. The poem ends with an attempt from the narrator to justify his actions by asking the audience "What have I done to deserve this feeling of guilt?"

So by the end of the poem, we know that he feels guilty and concerned for his immortal soul, but he's still trying to convince himself that he's done nothing wrong.

Pretty dark, but interesting, huh? X3